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Strong Chinese American Women My friend swallowtsui in her posting Ming Tian Wo Yao Jia Gei Ni La Tmrw I will be marrying you shares the story of a woman whose husband divorced her and then how she was later sent back to china. I have many friends in USA who are divorce and they are left with their , mostly daughters, and the husband return to China. I asked the women why they chose to stay in USA even with the difficulty of raising a by themselves and they told me that it was because there would be no future for them in China cause usually a might have to also taking care of parents and then she have to working extra hard almost like be a slave. I think a woman who makes this choice to stay in the USA to raise her alone, fight to get a good job to support both of them has to be a very strong woman, and I think that she will provide a very strong role model for her to emulate in the future. It is difficult though for her in many ways cause she really has no support except from other women and is many times difficult to try finding new relationship with Asian man cause man usually not want to raising someone else unless he stuck with his own so want to combine two families and jointly raising . So often I reading in Asia FriendFinder that lots of woman in USA not saying they have with them full time but is actually hiding and hoping that new boyfriend going to understanding her problem. But also she has to turn to other kinds man not Asian so she have the cultural and social problem cause lots of time western man has different perspective to what she is expecting and all sudden she become an "exotic erotic oriental love object" to him and that is not good for the lady and really what she wanting just a friend. So, America, beware of the strong Chinese American woman cause nothing you going to say or do is going to stop her from succeeding and is going to know if you playing games or not. Just be nice person, ok? |
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1/17/2008 4:16 pm |
Hi..... Lee..... Very deep subject, indeed.... From my perspective, it is better off to raise her kids back in her homeland unless she comes from the third world country. Or, unless she has family support emotionally or finacially. She must have the tools to survive in language and so on here.Being practical on my side, I see this country has more opportunities.Yet, the individualism is stronger than in other places.Plus, the social system is one of the factors that friends are not there through tough time.The avoidance is very evidence, that is also the reason why the internet has made big $$$$$ here in creating some sort of the closeness,warmth, sharing for those in need. It gives people a sense of belongings at least in this ironic cruelty, but I may be wrong.If this lady has the better chance in here than in her own where she came from. Then , it is the best choice.But, dont expect anything from the kids in return neither living her dream through others.She must find the balance of her well -being first. Life is a journey, we are so different from one another. Life experiences will eventually tell us the truth about mistakes and accomplishments. Been there, done that. I esteem that women should be strong being independant yet must have the gift of sensitivity in nature as well. I admit that it is not easy to have voice in this society of men. However, I see many women who have good contributions in many professions either in aorospace or politic at pretty young ages. Regarding your opinion about the constucting a family with men from a woman who has kids left from previous marriage . it is very common .Unfortunately , there are soo many abused relationships whether to females or to males whom have been used for this purpose as well.Nowadays, I notice that the word commitment is so easily come out from the mouth.In other words, the commitment should stand by itself without devotion. No wonder there are many divorces , but I may be wrong. Honestly, I aint surprised of some women who want to come here by all means , even risking to be treated as slave.But then find out that it is so painful to live in this situation.Well. I esteem that women should be awared when they want to marry a life partner through internet or elsewhere. Unless, she will be able to come here by herself and giving this chance to get to know him so as to build a foundation instead of jumping into marriage. Thankfully, there is not many men who would want to be a jerk by taking a woman 's heart for granted dues to her statue. For some reasons, women most likely pick their choices to marry a US citizen than marrying an Eruopean as their first priorite . Do you think that it is an American dream ????? Good day God Bless  Rejoicefrance  Also, in China company not like to pay the woman same as man so she gonna have problems with that too. And most China man just want a younger woman with no kids and who want an older woman with kids and responsibilities. But I don't think is is a woman's dream to get the green card or the american citizenship but she is looking for the future of her children cause I think that is what most woman want is have the child but they also want the child to have a good future and sometimes more better future then she having before. What do you thing? Vicky
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1/16/2008 5:42 pm |
Hi..... Lee..... Very deep subject, indeed.... From my perspective, it is better off to raise her kids back in her homeland unless she comes from the third world country. Or, unless she has family support emotionally or finacially. She must have the tools to survive in language and so on here.Being practical on my side, I see this country has more opportunities.Yet, the individualism is stronger than in other places.Plus, the social system is one of the factors that friends are not there through tough time.The avoidance is very evidence, that is also the reason why the internet has made big $$$$$ here in creating some sort of the closeness,warmth, sharing for those in need. It gives people a sense of belongings at least in this ironic cruelty, but I may be wrong.If this lady has the better chance in here than in her own where she came from. Then , it is the best choice.But, dont expect anything from the kids in return neither living her dream through others.She must find the balance of her well -being first. Life is a journey, we are so different from one another. Life experiences will eventually tell us the truth about mistakes and accomplishments. Been there, done that. I esteem that women should be strong being independant yet must have the gift of sensitivity in nature as well. I admit that it is not easy to have voice in this society of men. However, I see many women who have good contributions in many professions either in aorospace or politic at pretty young ages. Regarding your opinion about the constucting a family with men from a woman who has kids left from previous marriage . it is very common .Unfortunately , there are soo many abused relationships whether to females or to males whom have been used for this purpose as well.Nowadays, I notice that the word commitment is so easily come out from the mouth.In other words, the commitment should stand by itself without devotion. No wonder there are many divorces , but I may be wrong. Honestly, I aint surprised of some women who want to come here by all means , even risking to be treated as slave.But then find out that it is so painful to live in this situation.Well. I esteem that women should be awared when they want to marry a life partner through internet or elsewhere. Unless, she will be able to come here by herself and giving this chance to get to know him so as to build a foundation instead of jumping into marriage. Thankfully, there is not many men who would want to be a jerk by taking a woman 's heart for granted dues to her statue. For some reasons, women most likely pick their choices to marry a US citizen than marrying an Eruopean as their first priorite . Do you think that it is an American dream ????? Good day God Bless Rejoicefrance
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1/16/2008 5:37 pm |
I never knew! Maybe I should marry one of them?Nawwwwww she'd just kick my ass for not working hard enough,right?
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1/16/2008 1:09 pm |
that's a good question.. and the answer may be complex.. maybe in family elements of having the family as a support system close at hand.. but then too, dealing with other elements of the family stigma that some places attach to divorced and unmarried women can be a factor that can either weaken a woman or strengthen her.. in this world there are still places that if a woman is over 21 and surely over 25 there are societies that look at her as a flawed woman.. by such societies standards.. so no matter what the choice that is undertaken ... the women will be required to be strong to face the challenges of which raising a child brings.. that's on top of what it even takes for individuals make it.. here's another peculiar point.. that is complex.. is it better to be in a situation where you have limits within communication ability.. or a place where communications comes with negatives infused all thru it, because of sociological backlash of what may be part of the traditional model of that society one is from?? In such case.. I'd say .. it's more a choice to take the area of communication challenge where there may be limits on ability, than a situation where one has the ability but no one is listening because they are judging and condemning.. or condescending... I'd think one can learn to communicate in a different language .. better than they can change the mindset of people who have such social elements that may be negative. neither scenario is to imply weakness.. but what is of the better options within the choices that exist.. and either choice will require the strength of the individual to endure and progress thru. I'd say too.. choose a man and don't trip on the s*X thing thinking it's some point that is used or has to be of usage by the woman.. relate and enjoy what of nature that s*x provides in the individual..as one thing is certain.. that too has it's span of what the fertilities years provide.. and there is loss of that to degrees when that point of change comes along.. in one aspect or another in the over-all of what it entails.. I too can agree that in this country it is too the challenge of the diminished ability that language barriers afford.. and that's more a factor now than before.. as before women were not able to gain good earning jobs in either place.. but now they have those options .. In the previous notary class, there was a woman who was from some other country who had only three years of functional english .. the pass rate for the course is 23% it's a very difficult course and not many people pass it the first time.. this lady passed it with 100%.. so the challenges of the language can be over come.. I've even seen where kids help the parents learn the language when and as the parents are open to learn.. but, there are some parents that prefer to keep the native language in the home and therefore the parents don't grasp the new language, as well as the kids do. this happens a lot in Latin families.. who speak Spanish in the home but the kids do the bulk of communicating when in public.. and in that we can't discount the pressures and challenges of raising a kid diminishing the energy to invest in learning a new language.. so the factors are always more complex than what the surface may reveal.. but all in all it mostly conveys the need for people to make more communicating to be honest with each other as individuals... and most certain to not make sx such a point of equations about what happen to the over-all nature of relating... it may reveal more elements that show how each one's parts affect and effect the relationships.
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1/16/2008 3:13 am |
True, is intelligent choice to stay where she has opportunity but you have to remember she has to do double work in a strange land and often not able to speak the language might be stuck in multiple menial jobs just to support herself and her daughter. These women often live their dreams through their daughters. I wonder what will happen if their daughters do not achieve those dreams. Who will be disappointed most? So, no, my argument remains valid, that a woman must be strong to survive in this country.
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