 | Blogs > bmyx2002 > The Life & Times of an ABC > To survive a fire, you feel it less |
Last Read: |
To survive fire, you learn to live with the heat. To have gone thru emotional hell, you learn to not walk the path that led you there the first time. To avoid the pain of being let down, you learn to expect less or at least be realistic in your expectations. You learn to be prepared for the worse or at least, less than what you might think you have. You learn to see things "in the moment", and to enjoy people, relationships, and things in the present, knowing it may not always last. I've been asked more than a few times what I expect with my girlfriend. I was challenged twice by well-meaning women from my past about my girlfriend yesterday. Taking the suggestions as they were given, in the spirit of friendship and affection, I took the words of warning as concern. Both of these friends had asked "does she love you?" In both cases, my answer was "as much as I love her...we are not in love. At least that's what we both said from the beginning. We've both gone done the path of a failed marriage. [We've both seen what this passion of being 'in love' is like in it's negatives...it's ability to lead people to form weak relationships, to stay when someone is overtly selfish, to be a doormat for someone emotionally.]" Both friends also asked, like so many others, "how do you know if she is loyal to you?". My answer is always an honest, "it doesn't really matter. To be honest, I don't really care. She's loyal in OUR RELATIONSHIP and that is enough." After all, we are not married or engaged currently. Yes, if I found out she was having an affair it would be taken as a negative thing. Would I react emotionally and immediately? No likely. It's different the second time around. In reality, I take my girlfriend at her word. She's given me no reason to believe otherwise. In points of fact, she's given me too many reasons to believe she is loyal, honest, and truthful to me. She's earned the trust I place in her. |
||
3/29/2009 1:35 am |
Hope this time the relationship between your new gf and you works well. Forget about the unhappiness and sorrow and start a new life!!
| ||
4/10/2009 2:45 pm |
Lycer, Thanks. I do think we have to let go of the unwarranted fears of the past...but fear also teaches us lessons, and those lessons should not be forgotten or we may repeat history...often, those lessons are of our own faults or of what faults in others we cannot and should not ignore. There are also the actions we need to recognize that both the other person and we ourselves did that were wrong and need to be seen for what they were...destructive behaviour that was either immoral or that which allowed (facilitated) the wrongdoer. bmyx2002
| ||
4/10/2009 2:46 pm |
...and I can say honestly that both my ex and I were guilty of our share of wrongs and facilitation, even though she did the last "big bad deed".
| ||
4/12/2009 12:27 am |
bmyx2002, you are right, I did admire you not just for the perceptual side but also for the rational readjustment inside you. To some extent, it could be a treasure for people who have gone through those changes or sufferings along the way, it teaches us to be stronger in the future and it also changes the way we look at things. Not everyone can do self-criticism during those tough period of life, you did a good job and give us a good example. Best wish! Icyer70
|
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
