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jokes One day Jack¡¯s dad bought a robot. The robot is very special,it could detect a lie and would slap on the face of the person who lied. Jack returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, ¡± ! why are you late from school?¡±. Jack answered, ¡°Dad! we had extra classes today¡±. Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Jack on his face. His dad told him ¡°My dear ! This robot is special, he can detect a lie and will slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth, why are you late?¡± ¡°Dad I went for a movie¡±, ¡± Which movie?¡± ¡°The Ten Commandments¡± , S-p-la-tt Jack got another tight slap on the face from the robot. ¡± sorry dad..I lied again, honestly I went for an adult movie .¡± Dad: ¡°Shame on you my ! when I was at your age I never used to do such shameful things.¡± Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot. Hearing all this, Jack¡¯s mother comes walking out of the kitchen and saying, ¡°After all he is your ,so he is like you", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Jack¡¯s mother¡¯s face. ************************** A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.¡± The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.¡± Shocked Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same." @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ High Tech Man! A man walks into a bar and sits down right across from the bartender. The bartender sees the man poking at his hand and putting it next to his ear, and asks him, "What are you doing? The man replies, "Oh, it's the newest technology -- I have a phone built right into my hand." The man puts his hand next to the bartender's ear and, sure enough, the bartender hears a dial tone. After a few drinks, the man goes into the bathroom. The bartender notices that he has been gone for almost a half-hour. Concerned, he goes into the bathroom to check it out. When he walks in, he sees the man with his hands on the wall standing with his legs apart and pants down. He has the end of a roll of paper towels shoved up his butt. Shocked, the bartender yells, "What are you doing?!" The man groans and replies, "I'm waiting for a fax." *************************** Honesty A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, " Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, " Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, " And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, " Go ahead, Father - - Next!" ***************************** A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. Scared, She confides this ' news' to her mother. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1 million bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2 million bank account. If it is twins, a factory and a $ million each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You can try again!" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Once there was a little boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.'' The mother said, ''! don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite." The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, ''Daddy! I have to whisper.'' The father said, ''OK. come and whisper in my ear.'' 
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9/7/2008 12:14 am |
仅仅看望！ 莫办法， 我不懂洋文啊！
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仅仅看望！ 莫办法， 我不懂洋文啊！
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