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The 5th Grade Teacher 五年级老师 (转贴) Oct 28, 2008 5:51 pm
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A very touching story I read on AtlanticPacific's blog. If you like, you can read its original version in English The 5th Grade Teacher.

开学的第一天，当她站在5年级的教室里，她没有对孩子讲真话。象多数老师一样，她看着她的学生并且说她对每个学生的爱是同样的。然而，那是不可能的，因为就在那第一排，蜷缩在位子里的是一个叫Teddy Stoddard的小男孩。

Mrs. Thompson在前一年就注意到了Teddy。他没有很多朋友，衣服经常是脏乱的，并且他需要经常洗澡。 另外，Teddy会令人不舒服的到了当Mrs. Thompson用大红色笔在Teddy的作业上打一个大叉，然后再写一个大大的'F'才会感到舒服。

在Mrs. Thompson执教的学校，老师需要了解每个孩子的过往纪录。Mrs. Thompson把Teddy的记录放到了最后一个。然而，当看了他的过往记录后，她很是震惊。Teddy的一年级的老师写道，"Teddy是一个聪慧爱笑的孩子。 他的作业整洁并且有礼貌... 教Teddy是一种喜悦。" Teddy的二年级老师写道，"Teddy是一名优秀学生，同学们都喜欢他。问题是，他的母亲得了绝症，他在家里的生活一定不容易。" Teddy的三年级老师写道，"Teddy母亲的死亡使他难以忍受。他尽了最大的努力，可他的父亲没兴趣。如果不采取些措施的话，他的家庭生活很快将影响他。" Teddy的四年级老师写道，"Teddy很孤僻，对学校也没什么兴趣。他没有许多朋友，并且有时在课上睡觉。"

到此，Mrs. Thompson意识到了问题所在，她为自己感到羞愧。当她收到学生们送的圣诞礼物时，感觉就更不好了。其他学生用的是美丽的丝带和明亮的包装纸，只有Teddy, 他的礼物用从食品杂货袋得到的厚重的棕色包装纸笨拙地包裹的。Mrs. Thompson费力地在其他礼物中间打开它。当她看到是一个掉了一些石头的假钻石手镯和一个只有四分之一瓶的香水时，一些孩子开始发笑。 但她止住了孩子们的笑声，她惊叹地说手镯是多么漂亮，并把它戴上，再轻点了几滴香水在她的手腕上。那天，Teddy Stoddard在放学后一直呆到有机会对她说，"Mrs. Thompson, 您嗅起来就像我妈妈一样。" 在孩子们都离开之后，她哭了至少1小时。

从那天开始，她教的不再是读书、写作和算术了，她开始教的是孩子。Mrs. Thompson对Teddy给与了特别的注意。当她帮助他时，他的头脑似乎活跃起来。她鼓励他越多，他反应得越快。在学年结束时，Teddy 已成为班里最聪明的孩子之一。尽管她说她同样地爱着所有的孩子，Teddy变成她的'老师的宠物'。

一年后，她在她的门下看到了一个便条。是Teddy写的，告诉她她是在他的一生中的最好的老师。六年之后，她又收到了Teddy的一个便条。他写道，他完成了高中，是班里的第三名。还说她仍然是他生活中最好的老师。又过了四年，她收到了Teddy的另一封信件，说，即使是困难时，他仍然坚持在学校中学习，并很快将以最高的荣誉从大学毕业。他再一次申明Mrs. Thompson仍然是他一生中最好和最喜爱老师。又四年过去了，另一封信件来了。这次他说，在他得到了学士学位之后，他决定再多学一些。信件里说她仍然是他曾有过的最好和最喜爱的老师。只是，现在他的名字长了一些…. 信的签字是，Theodore F. Stoddard, MD 医学博士。然而，故事并没有完。那年的春天，Teddy又来了一封信。Teddy说，他遇到了一位女孩和并打算和她结婚。他解释说他的父亲在两年前过世了。他问Mrs. Thompson是否愿意在他的婚礼时坐在为新郎母亲保留的位置上。

毫无疑问，Mrs. Thompson同意了，并且带着那个掉了几块石头的假钻石手镯，她还使用了Teddy与母亲一起度过最后一个圣诞节时他母亲用的香水。他们互相拥抱时，Stoddard博士轻声地对Mrs. Thompson说，"Mrs. Thompson, 感谢您对我的信任。非常感谢您使我感受到自己的重要，并让我知道我能做出改变。" Mrs. Thompson眼里含着泪花耳语道，"Teddy, 你搞错了。是你让我知道我可以做出改变。直到遇到了你，我才知道怎样教书。"

31 Comments
Knowing the past 了解过去 Oct 26, 2008 6:42 pm
Mood: 24, 33902 Views
How important for you to know the past of your partner or to reveal your past to your partner in a loving relationship? How much would you reveal or know? Do you think it's going to help or hurt your relationship by revealing it or knowing it? In what way?

你认为在一段恋爱关系中，了解对方的过去或向对方讲述你的过去是否很重要？你会讲多少？又会想知道多少？你觉得这样做会对这段关系有帮助还是有伤害？会是怎样的帮助或伤害呢？

73 Comments
Confident Crisis 信心危机 Oct 21, 2008 12:49 pm
42288 Views
Compared with economic crisis that is sweeping the globe, confident crisis seems to have bigger impact on our current lives. We can deal with economic crisis with saving more and spending less. But what is the best way to deal with confident crisis?

Has always thought that I am a pretty confident person and believed that I've been a good mother to my children. But recent struggles make me think "How good am I as a mother?" Well, if you allow me to brag a little, it shows that I am a good mother just by thinking and questioning this. Raising kids in today's world is quite challenging. Raising them in the constant struggles between two different cultures makes it even tougher.

My son has played major select baseball this year. With some kids who are 6-feet tall and almost two years older than him, he's really got intimidated, hence has not been able to perform at the level he's capable of. He's been so upset with himself, with coaches and his team. No matter how I encouraged him, cheered him up, told him to be patient, just nothing seems to work. He seems to lose the confidence on himself, lose the fun of playing baseball, which is the worst thing that I would expect to happen. At this time, the team that he played for at the recreational level has an opening and they'd hoped greatly that my son could fill up the spot. My son immediately says that he'd love to go back to play with his friends and just have fun of playing.

Should I agree with him to switch the team? Regardless other issues that this switch may cause, will this switch be able to let him regain his confidence and have fun of playing baseball? What if he finds it's less challenging and becomes bored? He will still have no fun. Also, I don't like to see kids to give up things so easily. We all know that life is not always easy and smooth as we wish. You cannot always just walk away whenever you are not happy with what you do. You have to be tough, durable, and persistent. But, how meaningful will this insistence be? What if it totally destroys his confidence and affects other things on him too?

I wasn't sure what to do and went to a friend for advices.

One question I was asked there was, "Where does one's confidence come from?"

与横扫全球的经济危机相比，信心危机似乎对我们目前的生活影响更大。面对经济危机，紧缩一下开支或许可以应付过去。但对于信心危机，你有什么好办法吗?

虽然生活中经历过打击，也有过低谷，但一直认为自己是个信心十足的人，也相信是个好妈妈。然而最近发生的事让我自问，"我真的是个好妈妈么?" 要是你不介意我自吹一下，我会说，我有这种意识就说明了我是个好妈妈。 在现今世界中，养育孩子已是一件很不容易的事。在两种文化的冲突中养育孩子就更难了！

儿子的棒球已从去年的海盗队又升了一级。因为家中只有母亲，和一个对体育没兴趣的姐姐，儿子全靠他自己的努力达到了今天的水平。作为母亲的我很为他感到骄傲。身高1米60的他在队里虽不算小，但与那些大他两岁，身高近1米80的孩子一起打球，儿子有很大的威胁感。不论我怎样为他加油，劝慰他要耐心，孩子为自己没能打出应有的水平感到很沮丧，挫折感很强。我担心的最坏的事发生了 -- 他丧失了对自己的信心，也失去了打球的兴趣。这时候，他原来的球队有一个空位，问儿子愿不愿意加盟。儿子极爽快地说要回到原来的球队和他的朋友一起打球。

该让他回到原来低一级的球队么? 先不考虑其他因素，换了球队他真能找回他的自信心和打球的兴趣吗? 他会不会因球队的水平不高而越打越没意思? 还有，我该让孩子就这样轻易地放弃吗? 我一直觉得现在的孩子不能吃苦，太容易放弃。生活不会总是一帆风顺的。你不可能总是一有不顺心就放弃，换别的。可是，这样的坚持会有意义么? 会不会真地把孩子的自信打掉而影响到他其他的方面呢?

我去找朋友商讨。朋友问了我一个问题，"人的自信心是从哪里来的?"

77 Comments
Feeling sweet ...... Oct 9, 2008 12:36 pm
Mood: 54, 38280 Views
Reality is not always as sweet as you wish to be, especially at this time when the economic downturn has hit many parts of the globe. Then, stay upbeat, you may still be able to find sweetness in your life, as I do!

When you open up the mailbox every morning and read some jokes and laughters to start a day with a good laugh, how sweet it will be! And that's what I've been having...... not only seeing mails from him but also with good laughs. This warms my heart and brightens my days...... and often, with unexpected small surprises from him, it really sweetens my heart!!! Well, you may say they're small things and easy to do. It may be true. But to me, if someone is not on your mind, why would you even need to bother with these little things?

现实总是会比希望的更严酷。就像如今的经济危机已经触及到世界的很多角落。然而，如果你能调整好心态，也还是能体会到生活中的甜蜜的。

每天早上打开信箱，读着笑话，以开怀大笑迎接每一天，那种感觉应该是很美的！而这，正是我这些日子的感觉。。。。。。每天一大早，读着他的信件，念着那些笑话， 加上一些出乎意料之外的小小惊喜。。。。。。 这些都温暖着我的心，让我感觉无比甜蜜。也许你会说，不过都是些简单易做的小事。的确。只是我觉得，如果你不想一个人的话，你会连这些小事都不屑去做的。

51 Comments
Need, Want, and Desire 需要，想要，与渴望 Sep 18, 2008 12:52 pm
Mood: 54, 34255 Views
Once I asked a question in Magazine section How much do you really need another person in your life?.
Someone corrected me saying it should be want, not need.

Does it make any difference? At that time, it didn't make any difference to me.

About two years ago, I had a conversation with another single mom in our single parent group. When I said that I had enjoyed my single parenthood without a need of having a man in my life, she said that was because I had not met the one I like. I was quite doubtful at the time. I thought if I was so eager to need a man, I would have actively in searching as she did, which I did not.

After reading DVC's comment on Grace's post When I Need You, "...... with real love, that is, desire (not "need")for somebody and doing what it takes to fulfill it (no "fantasies")?" Thinking about my own experience, there's so clear distinction to me now among the words - need, want and desire. To the man I've been longing for, it's not about need, and it's much more than want, I can clearly feel it's a desire, body and soul, and this desire for him seems coming so naturally and freely.

Often heard complaints from men about how tasteless some women in plays. I am thinking, man, since women tend to direct their action with lots of emotions (hope with clear minds!), if you have the ability to have her desire you rather than just need you, gosh, every woman would turn to a passionate and spicy girl!



曾经在英文的情谊杂志问过这样一个问题：How much do you really need another person in your life?，在你的生活中到底有多需要另一个人? 有人纠正我说，应该是想要而不是需要。

有区别吗? 至少对当时的我来说是没什么区别。

记得两年前与一位单亲妈妈聊天时，我说，很享受这种单亲妈妈的日子，不觉得有再找一个人的需要。当时她笑着说，那是因为我还没有找到喜欢的人。我是很不以为然。心想，我要是需要一个男人，我可能就会象她那样主动去找了。然而我没有。

看了davinci2rinpoche在Grace1969 When I Need You的留言 "......真爱是对一个人的渴望，以及为实现这种渴望所做的一切努力。" 再联想自己的经历，这几个词 -- 需要，想要，渴望 -- 的区别则清晰可鉴。 对那个让我倾慕已久的男人，那不是需要，更多于想要，那是一种自然而然的渴望。

124 Comments
When love becomes a burden...... 当爱变成了负担...... Sep 8, 2008 6:40 pm
Mood: 117, 33436 Views
Can it be?

This post is closely related to the previous one as a part of my experience and thought from my recent trip to China, about love, in a more broad meaning.

We are all longing for loves - from the family, the parents, the siblings, the children, the friends, and of course, the significant other, the one you love deeply. The more, the merrier. Right? Then, how much love can one bear? How much love is too much?

I am the youngest kid of a big family and the one who lives farthest from the family. The position in the family makes it easy for me to either have good conversations with my aging parents and older siblings, or pick up some topics easily with younger generations. Surly enough, our arrival at Beijing were warmly welcomed by the whole family. As everyone of the family tried their best to make our stay in Beijing as happy as possible, we were constantly invited by my siblings and their kids for visiting and/or dining out. Not hard to imagine, our days in Beijing were full of pre-arranged activities. A day after a day, a meal after a meal, finally, we reached the point where the gatherings were no longer the enjoyment but obligations. We desperately needed some our own time and space. But how could we say that to the family members who had shown their tremendous love to us? It's got to hurt their feeling if we did.

While we were with our friend in Xinjiang, where the majority of the population is Uyghur who are Muslim, I was not used to the traditional food there, which made my friend unease. She tried so hard to find many other kinds of food and still was worried about me not eating well there. This made me feel so guilty for not eating that traditional food and bringing too many troubles for her. While we were visiting Kanas National GeoPark, the newly opened tour area in Northwest Xinjiang, the lodging condition was not good – we had to share a room with 5 people and there were nothing else in a room other than beds. No water, no TV, no bathroom, no power until it’s dark, which was 9 pm at night. My friend was SO worried that we, especially my children who grew up in US, could not live in the condition like that and constantly asked me if we should move to a better hotel. You know, it really bothers me. I know her concern and intention, and I appreciated that. But to me, it's a good experience for my kids - life is not always what it is like in US. And they didn't complain any as they got up in the morning with fresh air and running on the huge, boundless meadow with beautiful scene. The only thing they did not get used to was the public restrooms there.

Have you ever had the feeling that the love you got was HUGE and made you feel too heavy to bear or even feel suffocated? Thus, the love becomes a burden, the enjoyment becomes an obligation. 。

Picture shows the meadow in front of our lodging in Kanas.

爱变成一种负担? 会吗?

这一篇是与我的上一篇相关的。从此次回国经历中对爱的一些联想。

我们都渴望得到爱 -- 从父母，家人，兄弟姐妹，孩子，朋友，还有那个让你爱得很深的亲密的生活伴侣。爱，是不是越多越好呢? 一个人能承受多少爱呢? 会不会多到承受不了了呢?

我是家中这一辈中最小的孩子，也是离家最远的一个。因而我在家中的位置使我不仅与年迈的父母，哥哥姐姐们能谈得来，与家中的小辈们也有很多共同话题。毫无疑问，我们在国内期间得到了家人无微不至的全力照顾，生怕我们有什么不开心的地方。不是今天这个哥嫂请，就是明天那个姐姐姐夫请。一天接一天，一顿连一顿。最后，孩子们都怕了，直问，"我们可不可以不去?" 聚会的快乐变成了一种义务和负担。我们在北京的时间都排得满满的。那个时候真的好想有一些可以自己支配的时间和空间。可是，面对亲人的爱与关怀，这种话是怎么也说不出口。否则，就太伤他们的感情了。

在新疆朋友家的时候，也是这样。大家都知道，新疆是以维吾尔族为主的少数民族地区，多信仰伊斯兰教。我在那里吃不惯那些有新疆特色的食品。这可让我的朋友忙坏了。她弄来好多东西，还是生怕我吃不好，吃不惯。这样一来，反而让我觉得我吃不惯新疆特色的食品而给她添了很多麻烦，真是一种罪过了。在喀纳斯旅游时，因为是和旅游团一起，所以，居住的条件不是很好。五个人一间房，除了床之外，其他的一概没有，连电都是到了晚上九点钟天黑了才有。朋友总是担心我的两个孩子不习惯，
不停地说要换个条件好的旅馆。我直劝她把心放回肚子，让孩子们锻炼锻炼也没什么不好，毕竟生活不是都像在美国的一样。好在孩子们并没抱怨什么，唯一不习惯的是屋外的公厕。

你有没有过这样的经历? 爱沉重到了不可承担的地步，甚至有窒息的感觉? 因此，爱变成了一种负担，享受变成了一种义。


也或许，你会觉得我是不知好歹呢。

照片是我们在喀纳斯住房前的大草原。
114 Comments
In the Name of Love...... 以爱的名义...... Aug 31, 2008 6:04 pm
Mood: 92, 25052 Views
Same as 2008 Olympic Games, our trip to China ended with a happy note. Though there were some conflicts, it's not hard to feel deeply that my parents and the whole family tried hard to make our stay as possibly happy as it could be. There is absolutely no place like at home and nothing is better than being surrounded with warm love from the parents and the family!

What a wonderful and happy time we'd been having there!

While staying with my friend in Xinjiang, her 9-year-old-sontold me that he absolutely hated to play piano, which he had to practice for an hour daily and went to the class every week. "Then, why don't you tell your mom that you'd rather do swimming?" I asked him. "My mom wouldn't let me." Her 12-year-old daughter told me the similar thing. I talked with my friend about her children's frustration. "Ah......, you don't know. All kids are doing this here in China. All kids! This is going to be good for them in the future."

"Then, do you not think it's good for kids to let them do something that they like?" I wondered.

"I do this for you because I love you."

"I want you do this because it's good for you."

In the culture which I grew up, it's quite often and normal to hear this kinds of expressions from someone who loves you. I'd never doubted about, and seemed there was no reason for me to doubt about, the lovewithin those expressions as I say them often to my children even though they are raised in a different culture. I'd never given the second thought whether it's inappropriate or not. Then, after seeing all the conflicts between my parents and my children, the frustration and struggles of my friend's kids in the trip to China this time, I start wondering that if we really know what we are doing to our loved ones, in the name of love? Not that I question the love that is shown, but the way of showing it. And this does not only apply to the relationship between parents and their children, it applies to all other kinds of relationships. Are we able to find a better way to show ourlove and affection that makes it easier for our loved ones to recognize it, appreciate it and accept it?

In the name of love......

此次回国之行，与以往一样，尽情地享受父母家人浓浓地亲情，朋友热情地帮助，支持和关心。虽然也有些小的摩擦矛盾出现，却都无法掩盖父母，家人，朋友在尽最大的努力使我们充分享受到回家的温暖，回国的快乐。

在新疆朋友家时，朋友九岁的儿子告诉我说，他一点都不喜欢弹钢琴，可他必须每星期要上一次课，每天要练至少一个小时的琴。他还说他很想去练游泳。我问他有没有对他妈妈讲这些。他说，他妈妈不会听他的，让他不弹钢琴去学游泳的。朋友12岁的女儿也对我说了同样的抱怨。我问朋友是否知道孩子们的这些想法，她说，"唉，你不知道，在中国，所有的孩子都学钢琴。所有的孩子! 这总是对孩子们的将来有好处。"

"那么，你觉得让孩子做他们喜欢做的事会对他们的将来有什么不好吗?" 我不解地问。

"我这样做是因为我爱你。"

"让你做这些是为你好。"

在我成长的文化环境中，从爱你的人口中听到这样的说法实在是太正常，太经常了。我从来没有怀疑过，也没有理由怀疑这其中所包含的爱。因此，虽然我在不同的文化环境中养育自己的儿女，我还是经常用这些说法来表达我对孩子们的爱，也从未想过这有何不妥。这次在国内，孩子与我父母之间的摩擦争执，朋友孩子的抱怨困惑，使我开始思忖在这些爱与关心的背后，我们是否真的意识到我们在以爱的名义，到底对我们爱的人做了些什么?我一点都不怀疑这其中的爱，而是我们表达爱的方式。而这，也并不是只针对父母与孩子之间的关系。有没有更好地方式来表达我们的爱与关心以使我们爱的人了解，感激并接受我们的爱?

让我们以爱的名义......

71 Comments
The Happy Moments 幸福时光 Aug 25, 2008 8:57 pm
19399 Views
"My darling," she said at last, "are you sure you don't mind being a mouse for the rest of your life?"

"I don't mind at all," I said. "It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like so long as somebody loves you."

-- Roald Dahl, The Witches


I simply cannot hide this for any longer......

Going half way through the globe, finally......

Happiness, sweetness, joyfulness, fulfillment...... just don't know what words are more adequate to describe my feelings and emotions right now. It's been like in the dream of being with him -- the man I've been aching for so long!

The time has gone way too fast for me, the one who once thought this was just an unreachable dream since he's so far away. The only "bad" thing was that I forgot bringing my heart back with me. Gosh! How long am I able to live without a heart?


"亲爱的，"她最后问，"你真的不介意你的余生都做一只老鼠吗？"

"不介意。"我说。"只要有人爱你，你是谁或你是什么样都无关紧要。"

-- 摘自 Roald Dahl 的 《女巫》


虽然还不习惯完全敞露自己的感情，但总觉得它已经多的再也藏不住了。

绕了半个地球，终于......

不知道该怎样形容自己现在的心情才更贴切，只知道，与他在一起的感觉就好像是在做梦。我一直以为，这根本就是不可实现的空想， 因为他远在天边，遥不可及。因而，当这一切都真真切切地发生时，就显得那么不真实。

对我来说，时间过得不可思议地快！遗憾的是，我忘了把心也一起带回来了。

46 Comments
Softball Game between China and Australia 中澳女垒之战 Aug 17, 2008 3:24 am
Mood: 80, 17873 Views
No baseball games, softball games would do.　
Only 30 RMB yuan (less than $5), we watched 2 games -- China vs. Australia; USA vs. Canada. Unfortunately, the second game was rained out.

Picture shows Australia team warming up.

世界排名第4的中国女垒对阵雅典奥运银牌得主澳大利亚队。30元一张票看两场比赛。真是赚到了。

照片显示澳大利亚队在热身。
18 Comments
Colourful Water Cube 色彩斑斓的水立方 Aug 16, 2008 7:51 pm
Mood: 40, 17454 Views
The colour of Water Cube keeps changing.

夜幕中，水立方的颜色在不停地变换着。

14 Comments
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