|
|
|
|
|
The thoughts, life, and times of an American Chinese guy. Life can be strange. My fraternity brothers always said I should write a book about all the crazy things, ideas, and occurrances in my life. Even in college, my brothers knew my conservative personality and clean cut appearance didn't mean a boring person. I'm not crazy, but I have been places, had experiences, and seen events for many lifetimes in the last 10 years. I have known joy, happiness, the greatest times of my life, and felt extreme pain. I have done good and bad. The good has led to great memories. The bad has led to regrets and some of the most meaningful lessons of life.
I CAN ONLY READ ENGLISH COMMENTS ON MY BLOG, BECAUSE OF THE WAY AsiaFriendFinder IS SET UP.
PLEASE POST COMMENTS IN ENGLISH. THANKS.
|
|
|
Things Never Change, Things Always Change
|
Nov 21, 2008 12:02 am
1806 Views
|
Things Never Change, Things Always Change
“The water flowing now in the stream is not the same water from yesterday.” – Aristotle
You may be in the same bedroom tonight and tomorrow, but things would definitely have changed. Your skin cells would not all be the same. The minute dust on your furniture and the carpet would be dispersed differently though not enough for you to notice. It seems all the same and in a way, it is all the same. However, by point of fact, it is NOT the same, and so in reality, it is not the same, despite appearances.
Relationships are like that. When we see a couple that’s been married for 25 years, it is very easy for us to assume their story is, "we got married and it’s been like that for a quarter of a century”. The truth would be more like that, “we got married, a bunch of things happened, we each did a bunch of things (good or bad), we chose to stay together through it all, and nothing beyond our control (death, forcible physical separation, etc.) occurred to separate us.”
Looking in at a successful marriage from the outside, it often seems that good marriages just happen; and that by extension we can blame our failed relationships on the idea that marriages just fail because they were bad. Therefore, we conclude, we don't have to accept that it was really US who acted badly and thus destroyed our own lives and marriages.
It makes us conclude that if two people were “destined” to be together, then the passion of love/chemistry/or being in love is so strong that will magically make the marriage work in the long term.
It's a terrifically romantic notion but also extremely naive. Who in their right mind, thinking rationally and not day-dreaming, truly believes this? Really think about it, then answer. Too many of us simply buy into this myth that is so obviously fake under the shallow guise of false hope.
To want to believe that "true love conquers all" is as understandable as someone thinking the water in a flowing river is the same water from yesterday. On the surface, if we don’t ponder it or think it through rationally, we may easily conclude it’s the same river since it looks the same. However, if we consider clear movement of the water with our OPEN EYES, we quickly realize the truth that it could never be the same river. The water in a river always changes and moves, just like the dynamics in any relationship is constantly changing and moving and hopefully growing, even if it does not appear to be so.
The question should not be if things change, but how some things or some marriages continue to exist and move forward, despite the the stress and potential threat of changes?
In a marriage, these changes would involve the inevitable shifts in each person’s feelings, emotional states, communications, personal experiences, and beliefs/values. What makes some marriages last so long or until death? What makes some marriages stay in a constant state of loyalty and fidelity?
The commitment and loyalty two people have for each other, regardless of the changes. That is the plain and simple answer. In this, one sees how things always change (the emotions, communications, etc.), yet things never change (they stay married).
It is the changes in one and/or both partners, and how both interact and behave that causes the changes in the relationship. These personal and interpersonal changes can preserve a romance or marriage for a lifetime, or they may destroy it in less than a year or even a month.
Change cannot be avoided between two people in a marriage or any relationship. However, depending on how those changes are managed, that relationship can be constant or even improve (greatly).
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
How It Is
|
Nov 12, 2008 7:06 pm
2087 Views
|
This is how it is, whether you were the cheater, the victim, or both (at the same time or at different times).
In the End, we all allow and have to take responsibility for those that we allow into our lives and hurt us, or we have to accept that we chose to hurt someone. So, in the end, it's both at fault, as a matter of fact. As a matter of right and wrong, well, the cheater's at fault. That's quite obvious, but it's not enough for victims to get up and keep moving on, living, enjoying the gift of life God gave each of us. We have to accept we are responsible, because in the end, we allowed each and every lover into our lives emotionally.
=========================================================
The Good Life Lyrics
Band - Weezer
When I look in the mirror, I can't believe what I see
Tell me, who's that funky dude, staring back at me?
Broken, beaten down can't even get around
Without an old-man cane, I fall and hit the ground
Shivering in the cold, I'm bitter and alone
Excuse the bitchin, I shouldn't complain
I should have no feeling, 'cause feeling is pain
As everything I need, is denied me
And everything i want, is taken away from me
But who do I got to blame? Nobody but me
…And I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the Good Life
It's time i got back, it's time i got back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back…Yeah!
Screw this crap, I've had it! I ain't no Mr. Cool
I'm a pig, I'm a dog, so 'scuse me if I drool
I ain't gonna hurt nobody, ain't gonna 'cause a scene
I just need to admit that I want sugar in my tea
Hear me? Hear me? I want sugar in my tea!
…And I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the Good Life
It's time i got back, it's time i got back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back…Yeah!
I want to go back, I want to go back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
It's time i got back, it's time i got back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
I want to go back…Yeah!
…And I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the Good Life
It's time i got back, it's time i got back
and I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back…Yeah!
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
Shakespeare's take on love
|
Nov 7, 2008 11:33 pm
1577 Views
|
"Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn. "
-Romeo
"If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down."
-Mercutio
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Actions form habits. Habits make us who we are.
|
Nov 7, 2008 11:10 pm
Mood: Reflective with humility,
1702 Views
|
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle
I think that was the ancient philosophic form of what so many people learn today thru experience --- we ARE defined by our actions, and not what we say or simply claim to believe.
Combine this with the reality that all human beings are imperfect people who will do wrong at times, while others will repeatedly commit certain wrongs/sins (as a way or life or lifestyle), and you have the negative of what Aristotle says in his quote.....People who repeatedly do bad things live evil lifestyles and will logically and certainly become evil and lose their sense of what is right and wrong. They will lose their conscience, as feelings of guilt become eventually unheard and no longer felt. Many will even lose their moral bearings, lacking all sense of what is right or wrong.
I was once going down that same road, as my own heart hardened. Thank God He used a personal tragedy in my life to stop my reaching the end of that road (which is of an amoral creature). I still struggle with daily ethical choices and my own share of lifestyle habits which I need to change for the better.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
When a friends/lovers/family leave
|
Nov 7, 2008 2:11 am
1587 Views
|
When a friend turns their back on you (leaves you)
The Buddhists say all human passions are just concepts created by man, creations of man's thinking...illusions. (I am not a Buddhist, but I do believe there are parts of its' philosophy that are true and even reflects similar Christian principles.)
Taking this philosophy and applying to Western thinking, when you FEEL you have lost a friend you should KNOW (think) that you have just discovered what you never had with this person...that it was never real, because IN A PERFECT WORLD a true friend would not ever walk away from you.
Of course, in the real world, they could have been a real friend, but since people are always capable of choosing to do wrong and change their minds, they may have been a real friend in the beginning or even until that short period of time when circumstances led them to make the choice to leave.
This applies just as well to lovers and/or husbands/wives. Sadly for some people, yet much more rarely I believe, it may even apply to the very family you were born into.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
To be loved so much a woman would leave you so you can find someone better.
|
Nov 2, 2008 9:17 pm
Mood: Sad and Romantic,
1539 Views
|
Did my ex love me this much? Was this the reason she left?
She says to this day she still loves me, but it just wasn't working, all after I found out about an extended affair behind my back.
The truth is, she loves me, but she left for her own sake after she found someone she felt was better. That's reality.
Yet, how great if she could have left because she loved me so much that leaving was for my own good in the long run. How lucky would such a man be that a woman loved him that much, even if they were not meant to be together. How lucky if she left not for another man, but so you could find a better woman!
==================================================================
A Poem by GladiosLOS21
"Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye
I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand
I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye
Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you
Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye
Baby, its never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye"
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
Second chances do exist, every second of our lives
|
Oct 31, 2008 6:32 pm
Mood: contemplative,
1365 Views
|
We only get one chance to live our lives as physical human beings. I believe this to be the truth and reality of the matter. Our souls may be immortal, but no our bodies. There is no reincarnation. No second chance at rebirth to do it all over again.
We get only one chance to do what we will at any one moment and place in time and space. Then it's gone, FOREVER!
HOWEVER, nothing prevents us from learning, and changing both ourselves and the situations created by our choices and actions, with the remainder of our lives. This is our second, third, fourth chance.
This is God's gift to us all. Free will to screw up or follow the light. A lifetime's chances to change for the better, be the light in the darkness, and get it right before we return to the dust of earth (die).
Then it is too late. Our souls will live on forever. We will answer for our lives and have to give an account of it. And for those that have not found The Light, they must live eternity seperate from our Creator. That is hell. And for those that had the faith, real faith (which always results in the by-product of right actions and not just mental recognition of God's existence), to change before this mortal life's end, there is God's house awaiting us. This is heaven.
However, for those of us who have seen and suffered this mortal life's pains, there is another heaven and hell in this very life. And it is in this life that we should really consider our actions. Walk in the light and there is no garuntee of happiness, but there is of contentment and peace. Live in the darkness, and despite short bursts of selfish pleasure and gain, there is general lack of peace, unhappiness, and suffering to ourselves and those we hurt.
Every moment is another chance. Take it before the last chance comes, for no man knows the end of his days.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
|
Who I am? - Letter to someone that no longer exists
|
Oct 30, 2008 1:44 am
Mood: Reflecting on an event 2 years,
1236 Views
|
If anything, this probably describes me best. It was written 2 years ago, just a year after I lost one of the three things that are fundamental to most men's identities - my wife. All I had left was my identity as a businessman and the family that I was born into. I'm the the first son of a British Hong Kong Chinese father and mother who was born in Boston and grew up in College Park, FL. ).
We all search for that elusive great and honest profile of who we are. In so many ways, what follows is who I once was, who I was always meant to be, and who I will be and am becoming once again, as I finally go towards the last part of a painful journey of letting go of a woman that left me a long long long time ago....but like a rock song goes, I'll be thinking and missing you for a long long long time....and I have, and probably will for a long long long time more, but soon it'll finally be ok. It'll be ok because I'll finally "know" every sense of the word that love can be even when we can't be with the person anymore, not just because they are not coming back but because we've come too far to ever go back ourselves. I'm already there, and it hurts, but in a kind of way where I'm relieved, cathartic, and it's obvious it's near the end stages of grief needed to finally "be done"...when I can finally start to remember the good times and appreciate what time we had together.
What follows is an email letter to a girl that no longer exists! That is, she no longer exists on line where I met her. As I mentioned, it really says who I was and am becoming again. It's not all of who I am. I've grown so much in the last 3 years, but it was and definitely is an essential and big part of who I am, and there's nothing wrong with it at all.
To clear up any possible confusion, this young lady was not my wife, but simply an online chat friend. It was a rough time in my life, not having the ability to speak to my wife and share the things I saw in my weekly travels around America anymore, and it was nice this lady was there to listen/read what I experienced on a particular day and place.
==================================================================
Letter to "PROOF OF CONCEPT" - a girl that no longer exists.
Yesterday was a full moon here in the Silicon Valley suburbs outside San Francisco. I was driving in my corporate sedan thinking how great it would be to have a friendly companion watch it from San Francisco Bay, then have dinner and drinks at The Wharf.
Yeah, I like to enjoy life too. You might say I work hard so I can play hard...or perhaps I play hard because I work hard.
My interests are what they are. I live in two worlds. I'm a consultant, investor, and real estate guy by day...but it's all for the sake of the nights of weekends and vacations. Then it's about visiting exotic locales (Asia is my favorite for now), good food, clubs, music, and reading....there's never enough time to soak in all the new ideas.
Words that describe me --- talkative-shy, strong-tender, businessman-partyguy, sincere-laidback.
Drop me a line. Maybe we'll chat in person one day.
Brian
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Religion vs. Faith's Role in Our Romantic Lives
|
Oct 5, 2008 1:15 am
1515 Views
|
Do your religious beliefs have an effect on your personal
love life? Do you feel restrained or inhibited because
of your beliefs? - Alpha Male, Question on the discussion forum of AsianFriendFinder.
======================
I think the answer lies in your very question. Does a person's "religious" beliefs affect the nature of their romantic lives. Religion is legalistic and rules-based.
Those rules are good, but unless your beliefs are based on geniune faith, and not just "religion" (traditions), most people are going to resort to their base, biological, and selfish natures....and learn the hard way why all those rules were put there in the first place...they are the rules reflecting the negative lessons of many others before us who tried it their own way. And for those that believe in God, they are the rules God put in place to help us avoid getting hurt.
My religious beliefs never affected how I interacted with most women. I learned the hard way, and now my faith has made me realize why playing "by the rules" is really the only way to long-term success. Religion doesn't change lives. Real faith does.
Some would disagree, but in my opinion, it is because they haven't learned their lessons from negative lessons yet....it always ends badly if you break morality....Christian, Muslim, Budhist, Jew, moral atheists and agnostics....the basic rules of decent moral behaviour are the same. Follow them or pay the price later...one man's lessons learned the hard way.
You can be wise and learn from the errors of others or be stupid like I was and learn the hard way. The wisest man isn't the one that learns from his errors. The wisest man is the one that learns from others errors and advise, and thus avoids ever suffering the negative consequences of wrong choices and immoral actions in life.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
|
The War Is Always In US - Light and Darkness - Past and Present-Future
|
Oct 1, 2008 10:34 pm
1280 Views
|
The War Is Always In US
Oliver Stone's message in all his movies is best reflected in the ending scene of the movie "Platoon".
The war was never in Vietnam [or any physical battlefield]. It was in us and will always be in us.
He was talking about the battle between the light and the darkness.
I've come to finally emotionally and intellectually understand this, when it comes to letting go of what was lost, who we've lost. The past is unchangeable, but we continue to relive it and to re-think or argue on why it could have been different. Yet, it's all in the past. The dead don't come back in this life. Those who left us do not return in almost every case, especially with the passage of time. Past lives are gone. All there is for us is the future. Maybe it will lead back to our old lives or lovers, but maybe it won't. The point is the past is over, whatever hope we have and wherever we end up, and whoever we end up with (or alone) can only be found by going into the future.
That's the battle in us....to let the darkness of the past imprison us or to free ourselves with the truth of the light --- and that is the reality that all we have is the present and what we do with it forms our future. Men are not gods, we cannot go back in time. We cannot stop time. We are like the sands in the desert winds. Time blows us forward forever, until we ourselves return to dust and sand ourselves.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (bmyx2002) use [blog bmyx2002] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
1
|
2
|
31
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
81
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
141
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
|
