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90.5 I saw my grandmother yesterday for the last time in her life she will be cognizant. She was given a Morphine drip right after I left the hospital. When she saw me she smiled. Since her husband died, we have been like two old women who are best friends, gossiping for years, telling each other our troubles, promising secrecy. She was such a sweet soul. For years she's told me, "They (our family) never tell me anything. I want to know what's going on." She knew she could count on me for all the info. If the news was troubling on my end, she would always find a way to cheer me up. Just a few weeks ago, I told her nothing else matters because my grandma Loves me. She laughed and said, "That's right." This wasn't like losing an elderly family member who'd long lost their mind. Her mind was sharp until the morphine drip. Her mind was more with it than my own mother's who had burnt out on prescription drugs in the 70's. It reminds me of what Christ said of the apostles who could not stay awake, "The mind is willing but the body is weak." The doctor became upset when some family said they wanted surgery and others the morphine drip to let her pass. I wanted to hold on to her with surgery, but when my aunt asked me what I wanted, I told her that what I wanted didn't matter. Only what Grandma wanted was what should be done. They took her off the morphine (in shots or pills before the strong drip) and my aunt asked her what she wanted. She said that she had lived long enough and wanted the pain to end. They gave her the drip right after I left. She had been waiting for me to arrive so she could talk with me. She didn't want to do the drip until then. After less than half an hour of reminiscing, she told me that she was tired. I tried not to cry in front of her. I almost made it without a tear. But then she'd asked me to thank my ex for allowing me to bring my to see her. They made her smile. Here she was making me promise to thank the man who has tortured me for eight years by constantly trying to take my . I did as she asked. I hope I will live as long, have as sharp a mind and most importantly be as kind when I am old. She is to wear a pearl necklace at her funeral. Her wish is that I am to have the necklace before they bury her. When I wear it I will think of my grandmother. I will think of my best friend. |
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9/23/2008 7:01 pm |
My deepest sympathies... what you experiences and what you relate, is far deeper than words can speak.. and I am happy for you, that you had such precious time.. and shared things that are more meaning than many things that life could present...
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Her funeral was on Monday. I arrived an hour early and got to spend some quiet time alone with her. It just didn't seem like her though. She was so animated in life with so many facial expressions. I never realized she was who I got that from until after her death. I am so grateful for that last day I had with her alive. Seeing her empty shell at the funeral, so frail and cold, so opposite the way she was in life leads me to believe in the soul. Something like that has to last forever. Thank you all for your kind words.
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