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Weekend joke - Miscellaneous I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People now get out of the way much faster! You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she's probably angry. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body. I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet... Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grownup, it just feels like a small vacation ! The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise. Teach your how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for. Many times I think about the “here after” that when I walk out to hall closet and look in and I wonder “what I’m here after". p.s. As a reminder, I am NOT the original writer of all the "Weekend jokes", so I am NOT responsible for them. Honesty is the best policy. |
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These are good-- I needed that smile.  Honesty is the best policy.
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These are good-- I needed that smile.
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