happy
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Posted:Feb 6, 2008 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2008 1:47 pm 9054 Views
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happy new year all
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Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson went on a camping trip
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Posted:Feb 2, 2008 7:40 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 1:4 pm 9260 Views
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Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson went on a camping trip in the middle of the night holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend Watson look up at the sky and tell mw what you see
Watson replied, I see millions and billions of stars " what does that tell you Watson ?
well astronomically< it tells me that there are millions of gaxaies and potentally billions of planets. horologically,I dedvce that the time is approximately a quarter past three meteorologically ,i suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow why,what does it tell you? holmes was silent for a moment then spoke
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Watson, someone has stolen our tent
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A mother was working in the kitchen
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Posted:Jan 6, 2008 12:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2008 7:24 pm 9284 Views
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A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her saying, "All of you b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks".
The horrified mother went in and told her , "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room
and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train,but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her say, " All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember
to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat.
Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the added..........
"For those of you who are pi**ed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat b**ch in the kitchen."
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Just Thinking Of You
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Posted:Jan 5, 2008 5:34 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2008 6:02 pm 10525 Views
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Just Thinking Of You
I picture your face
and I know it's true
another minute flew by
just thinking of you
I sit here and I wonder
I dream and I daze
people all around me
try to follow my gaze
Smiling and grinning
wondering too
how many minutes flew by
just thinking of you
I close my eyes
and what do I see
your cute little face
staring back at me
I am always happy
dreaming about you
I could sit here for hours
just thinking of you
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Happy Christmas
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Posted:Dec 24, 2007 10:14 am
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2008 3:58 am 8920 Views
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Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night
lol timmy
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Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo Ireland
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Posted:Nov 26, 2007 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2007 3:05 am 8832 Views
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Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again.
"Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty-thousand since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no freakin' way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners...
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((((RING))))
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Posted:Nov 2, 2007 9:23 am
Last Updated:Nov 28, 2007 8:49 am 8999 Views
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((((RING))))
**Pick Up**
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.......
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
****************Longer Pause**********************
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool???... Is this 486 -5731???"
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You must
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Posted:Jul 26, 2007 2:58 am
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2007 8:06 am 9764 Views
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You must send them on to 8 people, including me.
In 8 minutes you will receive something you
have long awaited.
Have faith!
they say it takes a mimute
to find a special person
an hour to appreciate them
a day to love them
but then an entire life
to forget them
send this to the people
you'll never forget
it's a short massage
to let them know
that you'll never forget them
if you don't send it to anyone
it means you'er in a hurry
and that you've forgotten
your friends
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