Not Getting Older (Joke)
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張貼於:2008年 10月 29日 6:42 am
最近編輯過:2014年 11月 2日 8:01 pm 36423 瀏覽
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A man wants to celebrate his wife birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesmans asks "how do you want me to put it?".
The man says, well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
 
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4
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Itching to laugh?
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張貼於:2008年 7月 28日 11:57 pm
最近編輯過:2012年 5月 30日 12:59 am 34169 瀏覽
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Sardar Singh is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
Oye, I am only following the instructions :
- "Answer in BRIEF"
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Laugh away your stress .....
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張貼於:2008年 7月 21日 9:11 pm
最近編輯過:2014年 11月 2日 8:04 pm 34647 瀏覽
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1. Lost Wife
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere".
2. Dream
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight".
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - "The meaning of Dreams".
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6
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Wedding (Joke)
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張貼於:2008年 6月 17日 8:52 pm
最近編輯過:2008年 8月 3日 11:51 pm 34614 瀏覽
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life". Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?".
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Little Johnny's at it again ....
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張貼於:2008年 6月 11日 3:16 am
最近編輯過:2008年 6月 23日 2:34 am 34398 瀏覽
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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!".
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?".
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3
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Just for laugh
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張貼於:2008年 6月 5日 7:51 pm
最近編輯過:2012年 5月 30日 1:23 am 35212 瀏覽
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Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teacher?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shortgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answer "Well teacher, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off".
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shortgun, but I like the way you're thinking" the teacher responds.
"Well teacher, I've got a question for you .. There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?".
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream".
Matt replies, "No teacher, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking".
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4
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Letter to God
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張貼於:2008年 4月 24日 8:54 pm
最近編輯過:2012年 8月 10日 12:48 am 35747 瀏覽
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A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.
The president was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read :
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C., and, as usual, those bastards deducted 95%.
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Prove it to me ..... (Joke)
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張貼於:2008年 4月 21日 11:18 pm
最近編輯過:2008年 6月 11日 3:02 am 33993 瀏覽
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Bhola goes to a grocery store. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager get suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Bhola to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Bhola goes home and return with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Bhola finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog food to his kids. He ask Bhola to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Bhola goes home and return with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week, Bhola goes to the grocery store with a bag. He asks the Manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Bhola : "What! This is shit!".
Bhola clamly replies : "Yes, and this is because I want toilet paper".
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Love quote
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張貼於:2008年 4月 18日 3:45 am
最近編輯過:2014年 11月 2日 8:04 pm 34341 瀏覽
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Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
-- James Baldwin
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The Honest Wife (Joke)
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張貼於:2008年 3月 14日 2:04 am
最近編輯過:2012年 5月 30日 1:02 am 36410 瀏覽
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A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer. The following exchange took place. The man says, "What's the problem officer?".
Officer : "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man : "No sir, I was going 65".
Wife : "Oh Harry, you were going 80". (The man give his wife a dirty look).
Officer : "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight!".
Man : "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!
Wife : "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks". (The man gave his wife another dirty look).
Officer : "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt".
Man : "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car".
Wife : "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt". The man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk".
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