GC`s One Liner Jokes!
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Posted:Sep 12, 2008 1:18 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2008 9:49 am 7781 Views
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? 
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."
The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Jefferson saying, "Mrs. Jefferson, your check came back."
Mrs. Jefferson: "So did my arthritis!"
Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
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the Question...
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Posted:Sep 10, 2008 2:05 am
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2008 10:13 am 8087 Views
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Little Johnny was staying with his Grandmother for a weekend.
He'd been playing outside with the other for a while when he came in the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'
Grandma was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth.It's called sek-sual intercourse , darling.'
Little Johnny just said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other .
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,'Grandma, it isn't called sek-sual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds!
And David`s Mom wants to talk to you!
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Have a nice day!
Grace
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The Accent....
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Posted:Sep 4, 2008 9:44 am
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2008 11:04 pm 7144 Views
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I just find it amazing how my well understand my flow of thoughts. I am not a perfect mom, at least I try to do my best but my broken languages fails. It`s like fill in the blanks, I was saying something, it`s already at the tip of my tongue but then I forgot what I was trying to say then my eldest will tell me The hairbrush mom! Oh yes, that`s it darling, thanks!
or for instance, usually, I am not conscious with my accent if Im talking in german when I`m at home.
BUT...my 5 year old corrects me whenever she hears something that she thinks it`s wrongly pronounced. Like if I tell her, Come here, schneller, bitte! (hurry up please!)but I pronounced it "sst" then she would correct right and then "Mama, sshh-neller not sstneller . Oh yeah darling, richtik! "mama no! richtig mit "ch" at the end not ik!. She tells me how to position the tounge properly so I can say it right. She`s right again and she can`t even read yet
I really take it positively as I also corrects them if they forget some tagalog words.
This of mine, when she was 2, she can do 20 pcs. of puzzle alone. at the age of 3, 50 pcs. of puzzles and at age 4, 100 pcs. of puzzle and so on. Her favorite games are "memory" and "Mensch, arger dich nicht". No way, could I outwin her nor her father. The only time I win is when she plays with me but she does for me
I think at this stage, have very good photograpic memories, often better than adults.
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Words Spoken.....
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Posted:Sep 4, 2008 8:54 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2008 9:19 pm 6978 Views
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There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. Ouuch Why is that so? We say anything, most likely because we`re pissed off, tactless, without considering if it would hurt the other party.
They also say that behind the success of a man is a woman.
This remind me of this humour I read sometime ago. It`s not new but I still like to share with you.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me.Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." then She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
Often we say a word without thinking and will make us regret later Is this just a human or immaturity? How do you avoid this one? please feel free to share or add something...
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Soulmate
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Posted:Aug 30, 2008 6:00 am
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2008 11:01 pm 6840 Views
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Just found this song while surfing and I was sooo moved by the lyrics, a rhetorical question for me, feel like sharing, enjoy
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Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find
Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone...
Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone....
If there's a soulmate for everyone....
Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone....
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone.....
If there's a soulmate for everyone.....
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(Performed by: N. Bedingfield)
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No TV please...
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Posted:Aug 28, 2008 8:20 pm
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2008 10:11 pm 6662 Views
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I made a new rule at home. As the classes started, No Television from Monday to Thursday, only starting Friday nights and during Weekends.
At first the ` were skeptic and complaining.. but then I explain the reason why and the benefits of it.
I know they have there favorite cartoons like "Spongebob schwamkopf & friends", "Avatar", and so on.
I sometimes even like watching with them, thank goodness, every saturday, the classic cartoon "Tom and jerry" is there , mama`s favorite
Their teacher told me that TV is part of household and everyday life of so an hour is okey plus half an hour as maximum a day.
Goodness! the offer for is 24/7 times a week. Several channels not only cartoon network, there`s kinderkanal, Super RTL, Jetrix, Bommerang, and so on and so forth.
Well, I know my , it is a big temptation for them to watch more, can get engrossed without paying attention on time.
We`re now in our 4th week and the just accepted the rules and have more time to play outside. They have something to look forward to
Of course, I have to discipline myself also
I tried to avoid spending time in front of pc while are at home. They never question me about it, but we know how clever are
My eldest has just learned to ride a bike and told me yesterday that there`s something better to do than staying in sofa and just watching tv.
So, she inspired me to write this blog.
While my youngest , continues to draw, as her habit.
And my boy, goes to his bestfriend, play for the rest of the afternoon and everyone comes home for dinner, latest at 6 pm
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Woman Talk in Heaven
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Posted:Aug 27, 2008 10:24 am
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2008 8:23 pm 6298 Views
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Woman 1: Hi! My name is Sandy.
Woman 2: Hi! I`m Lisa. How'd you die?
Woman 1: I Froze to Death.
Woman 2: How Horrible!
Woman 1: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
Woman 2: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the living room watching TV.
Woman 1: So, what happened?
Woman 2: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.
Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
Woman 1: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
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Famous Religious Jokes
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Posted:Aug 27, 2008 10:17 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2008 12:39 pm 6882 Views
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Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day.
So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.
They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.
The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind.
He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits!
Where do you want me to install these blinds?""
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Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven.
Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"
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A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this.
He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible.
He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. So they put the four parrots together.
So, the females yelled at the male parrots, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?"
One male parrot said to the other, "Put the Bibles away! We've made it to heaven!"
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The preacher's wife was making Sunday dinner, when the preacher walked in the house and says "that ham smells wonderful."
His wife replies "That's a Dam-Ham." The preacher was surprised by his wife's use of profanity.
She showed him the wrapper and explained that was the brand name of the ham.
They sat down for dinner and the preacher says to his , ", pass me the dam-ham." and his replies, "that's the spirit, Pop, now pass me the fucking potatoes"
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Love Always Finds a Way
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Posted:Aug 25, 2008 4:17 pm
Last Updated:Dec 4, 2011 2:04 pm 6159 Views
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We’ve said it all
A thousand times before
Been to the wall
And always found somewhere to turn
There was always room to learn
We’ve reached the end
And almost closed the door
And someone went in
I never can remember who
All I know is that
We found the strength to make it through
CHORUS:
Love always finds a way
When the clouds have no silver lining
He comes through shining
Love always sees the light
Through the darkest night
In a small way
Love always finds a way
Holding you near
After the storm has passed
It becomes clear
When all our tears have finally dried
That no matter how
We fools may try to turn the tide
REPEAT CHORUS
And when those moments
When the magic seems to fade
We must remember then
That’s the time to keep on believing
And not be afraid
If we both trust
In what we really feel
The two of us
Can hold tomorrow in our hands
All it takes is just
The faith to truly understand
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